Remember “You Might Be a Redneck If…”? Well, The DHS decided to take that statement one step further by releasing their take on who may be a terrorist in this country. So here is their new terrorist list…
You might be a terrorist if…
…you say “Jesus Loves You”.
…you go to church on Sunday.
…you believe two people of the same sex getting married is unnatural.
…you love to read your Bible.
…you believe in a viewpoint that isn’t liberal.
…you are a decorated war veteran.
…you believe a person who kills innocent people is a “terrorist”. (shudder!)
…you believe Fox News gives a balanced viewpoint.
…you don’t believe in evolution.
…you believe life begins at conception.
…you believe in forgiving anyone of their past wrongs.
…you believe in loving your enemies.
…you watched The Passion…and liked it.
…you abstain from cussing.
…you ever used a gun (maybe even a water pistol).
…you’re more afraid of a man with bombs strapped to his body than you are of a child that carries a Bible.
…you say grace before you eat in a public school.
…you’re a black man with a conservative viewpoint.
…you believe the Bible is the Word of God.
…you don’t believe the Constitutiion is a “living, breathing document”.
…you believe a convicted murderer should be executed.
…you read any book by Ann Coulter.
…you listen to Neal Boortz, Rush Limbaugh, Mike Savage, Mark Levine, or, heaven forbid, Sean Hannity on the radio.
…you believe Alan Colmes is a Liberal.
…you believe the US winnning the War on Terror is a good thing.
…you even mention the word “terrorist”.
…you believe you should be paid every amount you earn on your paycheck.
…you believe human life is more important than the life of a/an ______ (insert animal name here).
…you believe the increase of the average global temperature of one degree in 100 years is no big deal.
…you vote Republican.
…you love and support Israel.
…you believe the liberals can be wrong sometimes and the conservatives can be right sometimes.
…you believe Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson really don’t know what they are talking about.
…you believe what Pat Robertson and John Hagee says makes a lot of sense.
…you buy a book written by Pat Robertson, John Hagee, or Joyce Meyer.
…you talk about Jesus, God, or the Holy Ghost.
…you believe you can make better decisions with your money than the government can.
…you own a gun.
…you ever used your gun.
…you ever used your gun to defend yourself against someone who was threatening you with bodily harm.
…you believe Hollywood is fake.
…you believe God created the world in six days but find it hard to believe an ape became a man after the process of millions of years.
…your favorite channel is the Military Channel.
…you’re not a hard-core vegetarian.
…you believe Michael Vick’s conviction was too harsh.
…you believe a lazy person is not entitled to any of your money.
…you didn’t vote for Barack Obama.
…you believe the 9/11 attacks were not an inside job.
…you use air-freshener after your trip to the bathroom.
…you are a millionaire or higher.
…you believe an unborn child is more important than an eagle’s egg (how horrible!).
…you believe the closing of Gitmo is a bad thing.