Look! Up in the church! It’s an angel! It’s a minister! No, it’s SUPER SPIRIT MAN!!!!!! (or, woman, whichever you’re dealing with)
I’m not going to make a lot of friends with this writing; I might even lose the ones I have. However, I feel I need to express my displeasure so please forgive me if I come off as being a little contrary as this has become a hot-button topic with me as of late. At one time, my #1 pet peeve was people who would cop an attitude with you because you didn’t speak to them. Well, that situation has been bumped to second place due to my newest pain-in-the-neck–superspiritual folks. These kind of people really set my potatoes to boiling because you have to walk on proverbial eggshells whenever they’re around because they are ready to jump on the most benign action or word that you may happen to do or say. These folks also hold everyone else to higher standards than themselves. This is the “Don’t speak that!” or “You better bind that!” crowd, who hold themselves to be so righteous because they’re on top of everything the devil is doing. If you sniffle, burp, pass gas, cough, sneeze, moan, or show any signs of pain, they stand at the ready with their scriptures to beat you across the head and knock some holiness into you. Some time ago, I was with a group of people when I sneezed a couple of times. A sister nearby ripped her shirt open to reveal the big “S” on her chest and proceeded to set me straight. “Brother”, she said with some kind of concern, “you need to bind that because to devil can use that to give you a cold. Whenever you sneeze, you need to claim that by the stripes of Jesus, you are healed.” I didn’t like it, of course, but I’m a good, ol’ boy who usually tries to avoid confrontation, so I didn’t say anything. Can I ask those of you reading this something? How many of you have sneezed at least once in your entire life? Wow! All of you? I rest my case! Besides, a sneeze is not the warning sign for the onset of a cold. Matter of fact, whenever I have been within the throes of a cold, I have rarely sneezed. Uh-oh! I had better be careful; I had better stop talking about catching the cold or it will come to pass. After all, you will have whatsoever you say! Bad Vincent! Bad, bad, bad Vincent!
Not long ago, when I was a teacher’s assistant, I had another situation with a parent who ripped open her shirt to reveal her “S” and reported me to the principal’s office because I referred to some children as “those rascals”. The parent was upset at me using the word “rascal” because she felt I was “speaking death” on the children and not life. Wow! I am the worst person in the world because I said the word “rascal”. Furthermore, this parent rebuked me as if I had used profanity.
This is what goes on with some people. I have actually heard people say that we shouldn’t use certain words like rags, can’t, maybe, if, etc. because the use of these words will negate a positive confession. I remember a video on You Tube where a minister chastised some folks because they used “Bic” pens and not more expensive name-brand pens, then she went on to say she had spent as much as $5000 for a pen that she uses for her “million-dollar transactions”. So, now we are getting on God’s bad side because we use a cheap pen to write with. Oh, the HORROR!
Then, there are these “genie Christians” who believe God is their own personal genie. Just rub that lamp, master, and I will grant you 3 wishes. They believe that God has to do something for them because they asked him for it. No matter what their frame of mind is, God’s got to do it because I asked. This is a twisted version of Psalms 37:4,5. They believe since they have a desire for something, it must be from God so if they speak it, it will come to pass. However, these folks can’t distinguish God’s desires from their own personal desires. For example, there are a lot of women who are confessing that they hope to get married one day and there is nothing wrong with that. However, their standards get in the way of what God knows is best for them; they go to describing what kind of husband they want: he must be 6’4″ tall, brown-skinned, have curly hair, perfect teeth, muscles on every fiber of his person, he must be a college graduate, own two cars, be a millionaire, and own a house on the beach. In shorter terms, Billy D Williams. She rubs that lamp and “God” the genie pops out and she confesses her desires to him. The problem here is that she never considers if this is God’s will for her; it’s what she wants and God has got to grant it to her because she confessed it. Skinny Joe comes by and shows a little interest in her. However, he’s not muscular, his head is as nappy as a room full of sleeping babies, he lives in an apartment, he has braces, he’s 5’6″ tall, loves to read books, and his glasses are so thick he can see into the future; but he wants to treat her like a queen. Yeah, he drives a Toyota Tercel but he feels like it’s a Cadillac when she’s in it. Moreover, he treats her with the utmost respect. However, he doesn’t meet her standards and she feels that this isn’t God’s best for her. She rejects him and breaks his heart. One day,she finds the man that meets her standards and they start a relationship. However, her new suitor turns out to be a jerk, among other names, and is worse than Dracula, Ghengis Khan, Darth Vader, the werewolf, and the Hulk, combined. She gets married to him and figures God will work it out because this is what she confessed. Remember his muscles? One day, she ticks him off to the point where he flexes said muscles and uses them to beat the living iced tea out of her. He goes to jail, she recovers and decides to take a walk in the park. She sees a familiar face and recognizes it as Skinny Joe; but wait! Who’s that with him? Is that Charlene, the prettiest girl this side of the solar system, the girl who she thought would never get married because she didn’t confess it? And look! They’re both surrounded by three crumbsnatching kids and the five of them seem extremely happy. He may not have been “God’s best” for her, but he was for Charlene!
Don’t think I’m just getting on the ladies because we men have been just as guilty. Rub that lamp! Men go to confessing what they want, too. Some time ago, a young man told me what he wanted in a wife. I told myself he doesn’t want a wife, he wants a dog! Anyway, we confess she has to have a body like a Coke bottle (the 20 oz bottle, not the 2 liter bottle), she has to be gorgeous, yada, yada, yada. One day, Bat-faced Bertha comes by. She’s not the best-looking girl and her clothes reveal certain parts of her body that need a little reduction, if you know what I mean; oh, no! I bind you, devil! This is not the desire of my heart! We spend years looking for the perfect “specimen” with nothing to show for it. One day, on a stroll through the park (my characters love the park), we see Bat-face and her husband enjoying their time together. Whoa! She’s looking good! And what’s this? She and her husband are surrounded by several of the cutest bat-faced children you’ve ever seen.
The above scenarios are just examples of, dare I say it, the nonsense that many people partake in.
You’re at home with the flu and some of your “friends” come by to check on you (I’m about to go all “Book of Job” on you). Did you confess the word for your healing, one may ask. You assure him that you did. According to your “friends”, you didn’t have enough faith or you didn’t confess your healing enough. Moreover, they don’t want to touch you with a ten-foot stick because they’re afraid of catching what you’ve got. So much for walking in faith! Eventually, they do catch the flu, which is strange because I thought they were men of faith who never get sick. Oh, well.
My point is that I think we take Proverbs 18:21 too far. I have no problem with someone confessing what they want or being careful of what they say, but to nitpick at every detail is nerve-racking and usually results in the lessening of friends for the nitpicker. Me calling children “rascals” isn’t going to result in them becoming demon-possessed and laughing like a room full of evil scientists. My failure to bind that sneeze isn’t going to result in me catching rabies (a little extreme, I know), and my sowing an “uncommon seed” of $100 isn’t going to get my sick uncle out of the hospital bed or get God’s blessings working on my behalf. Oh, that’s right. I’m not speaking faith. Show that to me in the Bible and I will gladly recant my statement.
I have no problem with people dancing, shouting, and running around because God has blessed them. The problem I have is when people say such actions are necessary to get the blessings of God flowing in an individual’s life. Once again, not in the Bible, at least not in the New Testament.
So, congratulations, League of Superspirituals! You have made it to the top of my Pet Peeves list. Rip that shirt open, show me that “S”, and get your twisted scriptures ready to beat me across the head. I’ll be waiting for you with the kryptonite in my hand.
Have a good day and I’ll see you on the rebound.